I went to work Monday.. a little over 8 hours.

      I told my boss I'd do Monday but still only paperwork. the appointments I had done (the 'restraining') was too much for me. she said I need to learn to say "no" if something is too hard. at one point, one of the girls asked for help but said it was okay if I couldn't. I said no, best if someone else does and she was fine with that. I tried to stick to only paperwork. I waited all day for an email from R saying my prescription was ready at the pharmacy. I was going to go at lunch if it was ready.. nope, not yet. in the afternoon, the last few appointments of the day, everyone was busy - it was the receptionist and me - for 3 superwiggly dogs.. pick and choose the lesser of 2 evils. I picked the lesser (was actually a good choice). I came out of the room and I told the boss the "whoos" and "whats". then our last and final appointment was waiting, almost an hour late, a guy who talks a lot and loud, and his loud aggressive dog.. I went in the room and the dog just barks nonstop while I'm trying to quick, to-the-point, ask the owner questions.. then I went to tell my boss the "whoos" and "whats" again. she has me grab what is needed and help with something else
hello.. where's my paperwork-only? where's my chance to say no?? 
then the doctor is in a room - and I HAVE to go.
I need to get to the pharmacy before they close.. 

every time I reach my 8 hours, my boss is not around..
but time's up.. 
I'm not waiting for her.. 
I'd rather not be there but need the money..
at this point it IS all about the money.. ONLY.. 

as I'm walking out to my car, I remember - I still need to get gas, I was going to do that at lunch, and completely forgot.. I made it to the pharmacy at 5:57 - they close at 6:00. 

my prescription was not ready, but the pharmacist filled it right then and there. 
I asked for consult in the event he might give me extra information I don't know -- he didn't.. 
I take it right before bed - it might make me drowsy..

Tuesday was a blur.. I didn't do much of anything. 
I didn't notice any change in my sleep pattern with the new med. I still hardly slept. headache is still there. nothing is different. upon further research, it is for prevention not treatment, takes months to work. i received a letter in the mail that my insurance had requested further information from my doctor before approving or denying my referral. 

Wednesday I texted my boss I would not be in but I could come Thursday to do paperwork so the others didn't have to worry. I ate some breakfast to take my ibuprofen 800. then i took a nap because i had all of about 2-3 hours of sleep. she had texted asking if i could come in because there would be nothing for me to do thursday. she texted again a little over an hour later for an update (i was still sleeping).
i responded when i woke up 6 hours later that my headache was the same, i had received a letter from insurance that they are waiting on further information from my doctor, and that i had gotten a new prescription that i was trying.  

i received a call later, that my referral had been approved. so i could contact radiology to schedule that appointment. finally -- just 2-1/2 weeks of waiting. meanwhile, i have no change. the headache is still there. my sleep is all outta whack from napping and not having a set schedule.. i can't believe a whole month has already gone by (monday was 1 month of headache - we are already, again, at the end of the month, and i'm having to figure out how to pay scheduled bills..)  

i scheduled my mri for Monday at 10:30. i thought i could go to work after - but apparently not. 
next week is chaos week.. monday, wednesday, friday, & saturday. wednesday is the day of 50 appointments within 4 hours, and then an afternoon of appointments too.. the noises and sounds are overwhelming - my head would not be able to handle it so i don't know what i'll do. so far i haven't been able to work the regular 'back to back' work day of a monday/wednesday or wednesday/friday - let alone a REAL back-to-back of friday/saturday. so, do i do wednesday/saturday? can i handle wednesday/friday/saturday? a strict 8 hours of all? i do know that my days at home are so different than when i'm at work. at work, i hurt more. even though i keep the room darker. 8 hours there hurts more than an entire day at home. 

Thursday and Friday were a 'wash'

     I was not able to go back to work these days. so I only had 1 day for this week, and 1 day for last week. a very small paycheck. 8 hours + 9.71 hours = 17.71 hours.

I called insurance again, but still no referral is pending. I called the clinic and they show authorization is still pending. I also found out I had a scheduled appointment - virtual phone call with the doctor. he assured me that the referral was sent because it goes to both Kern Radiology AND to HealthNet. so.. why did HealthNet not have any record of it??  he scheduled me for another appointment Saturday, to assess and re-evaluate. my appointment was at 9:30. I got there 9:24, and waited until 10:17 before they called me in.. and it was not with that same doctor - he doesn't work weekends. I do like the doctor I had, she's friendly. she checked my balance so had me do that heel-to-toe walk (which I can't ever do.. ever..) and then she looked at my eyes, check my grip strength. she wants me to see an optometrist, and she prescribed another medication. this new one "Topamax" I will take only at night for 14 days. during the day I can alternate between Acetaminophen and Ibuprofen. she still wants the MRI and neurology consult. 

I am hoping to go back to work Monday, doing strictly papers.. and I'll try for Friday too, so I can get 2 days in.. I NEED to have a more decent paycheck.. I have many bills that are being put off and I can't avoid them forever. the next week I'd alternate and do the Wednesday and Saturday perhaps ? but the following week I'll see how I feel. if I did a Monday, that would only be 1 day home, and that typically isn't doable at this point. might have to do another week of just a Wednesday.. 
that had been my plan this past week.. to go in on Saturday and catch up on paperwork - but my colleagues had already done everything by the time I decided. in that case I would try to do a Wednesday and Saturday again.. to get myself hours, a day with NO appointments to be sucked into.. and I can still get hours to complete necessary paperwork and take it off their shoulders.. 

so I’m at work today…

    my MRI was canceled on Monday because “rejected by insurance”. I called them yesterday to find out updates and Kern Radiology told me- it’s still pending insurance authorization. aha! but I called my insurance to push it along and that lady wasn’t helpful. I told her I was trying to check on a referral. she asked for my doctors' names, and I realized she was checking if my DOCTORS were covered by insurance, not the MRI. but here’s the thing- she couldn’t even find my doctors in her system; doctors I KNOW are covered because I’ve gone to them already and insurance was okay with it. I’ll have to call back and try to reach a different person. 

I came to work today to help out again with paperwork. and make some money 💰 they’ve had me help hold for a catheter, and set up IV fluids and pre-op injections, then I’ve also held twice for lab pills, plus an anal expression. and then I cleaned rooms after appts 🤕 this isn’t doing too well for my headache. I had a couple dizzy spells from trying to bend down and then get back up. the ‘bend down’ is a little painful, but the ‘get back up’ is what’s dizzying. ugh.. 

I had thought about coming Friday as well. but today might wipe me out for the week. I’ll have to see how I feel tomorrow. I’ll also have to see how drs appts and insurance and MRI go. 🤷‍♀️

I know I haven't written in ages.

time has flown by.. Ron had his surgery October 10th.. I did a 5k walk October 13.. he had to get through the post op crap (and I mean.. "crap") he's still dealing with a crap.. 
Thanksgiving was at his mom AND my sister. Christmas was at his mom, and my mom ? my phone stopped working that day - a lovely fluke.. we did end up finding my mom at my sister's (thanks to my brother.. the ONLY one of the family I could connect with..) New Years was spent at home.. a quiet.. low-key day at home..  January flew as slow as mud, like it usually does..

February I looked forward to having my birthday day off work.. that was another low key day at home. we had bought some duck to make for dinner. it was put in the fridge to rest for several days.. but not quite long enough. it needed 1 day more.. so we ate it 1 day late.. I colored my hair that same day.. pink. I colored it pink.. didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped. more of highlights than the actual whole head like I wanted.. but oh well.. live 'n' learn. back at work on Friday to look forward to a weekend. then Sunday I went shopping with my mom, 2 of my sisters, and my niece.. that was fun. we had breakfast at Black Bear Diner, then shopping around the nearby outlet mall. I had a lot of fun, and "splurged" on waffles with eggs and sausage (after being sugar-free since mid-June).

the next morning felt, murderous.. 
I woke up 10 minutes before I needed to - and everything was too bright. 
I closed my eyes for a couple more minutes - actually an hour and a half later.. 
crawled up the stairs to the phone to call my boss. 
miserable migraine. 
she said to come in later if I felt better.. 
but.. that was 3 weeks ago (3 weeks, minus 2 days).. 

I went to a doctor after 2 days because things were not improving. 
she gave me a pain injection, and prescription pain killers. which did nothing.
6 days later I went back to see if she could prescribe something else that might work.. 
what she "prescribed" was to take Tylenol and go to the emergency room for a CT Scan. 
emergency room? do you know how expensive that is? 
I tried calling the Radiology Center 60 miles away but they would not see me without a referral through my insurance. 
so.. I contacted the clinic receptionist - no referral, I'm supposed to go to the emergency room. 
the following week - I went to another clinic (same "family" of medical offices) to try to get a referral or other options of what to do.. he prescribed extra-strength ibuprofen and gave me a referral for an MRI. 2 days later the Radiology Center called me to schedule it - pending my insurance approval. 

I went to work yesterday to do some paperwork, make some money (I hadn't been to work in almost 3 weeks.. used up all my sick and vacation time.. I have nothing left). that afternoon, Ron emailed me to let me know that my MRI appointment was canceled as my insurance rejected the referral.

so, still have my headache.. the Ibuprofen does nothing, just like the Nortriptyline, and Vanquish and Excedrin, and Tylenol, and Imitrex, and Toradol..  

I'm at my wit's end with frustration.. 
I should go to work Monday to make money.. but yesterday hurt my head so much and wore me out.. 
I should go to the doctor - again.. but what will they do next? 
they haven't done much of any testing.. a blood test? eye test? 
I have normal blood pressure and temperature.. 
one doctor check pupil reflex. 2nd doctor test my hand eye coordination.. 
and then what? I don't know what they should do.
if I did, I wouldn't be in this situation..